Damage
by kandyshipper
Summary: For Ryan and Kirsten the mechanism is different but the damage is the same. One-Shot post-episode for The Homecoming.


**Title: Damage**

**Fandom: _The O.C_.**

**Author: Femslashqueen**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Pairing: Kirsten/Sandy**

**Archive: If you ask first**

**Spoilers: _The Homecoming_**

**Written for: kandy shippers photo prompt #1**

**A/N: What is a fic of mine without a generous helping of angst, huh? Sandy's POV, a post-episode one-shot for _The Homecoming_**

He sits up in bed, his head against the plush, comfortable headboard, a lightweight blanket draped over his body, he checks the clock, it is 2am; he realizes that he has gotten some sleep, four hours don't just pass unnoticed and for that he is relieved, he knows it will be a rough night.

Beside him she is beginning to stir, he flips on the light and sees that she is lying in a puddle of drool, her cheeks are flushed still; she always gets flushed when she is drunk, her hair is a mess, make-up is smeared over her face and the pillow, mascara, blush, lipstick, all coming off, a revealing glimpse behind her picture perfect public persona.

Her skin he notes is beginning to show signs of sun damage, small wrinkles run parallel her upper lip; if she was anyone else in this godforsaken town she would have long ago started botox treatment, as Julie Cooper puts it "Better to start young." But she is not like that; she is nothing like the other Newpsies, she has long ago realized that there is more to life than looking good and throwing parties.

"I don't feel so great." Her soft moan interrupts his thoughts; she rolls over to face him, her skin is pale and she has broken out in a sweat.

He is about to leap out of bed to get her at least a bucket but he is too late, she throws up all over the bed before hoarsely whispering, "I'm sorry." There are tears in her eyes most likely a simple by-product of her vomiting he tells himself.

Her black silk petticoat is covered in vomit and he swiftly, mechanically removes it, she is now completely naked bar a flimsy thong and only now does he notice the silent tears running down her cheeks, "I'm sorry." She sobs.

Sandy picks her up and carries her over to the seat that lies next to the huge window, his wife is near-naked and he is wearing only boxer shorts as he places her on the seat, the window is open, he can't help feeling exposed, he wants to shout to whoever will listen that this isn't the first time this has happened, it won't be the last, see our lives aren't so perfect, nothing is perfect.

"I'll be back in a moment." He says placing a comforting hand on her arm, she shakes her head in protest but he is already stripping the soiled linen off the bed, they both know this routine well. He grabs the linen in a pile and heads off to laundry. He throws the sheets into the washing machine and can't help thinking that he has failed her.

Three days before Katherine Nichol had died she had managed to grab a few minutes alone with her son-in-law, begged him to take care of her little girl, she loved her daughter so much, Katherine much like Kirsten had never really fitted in or wanted to fit in with Newport society, she had insisted on having a career, a life away from the Newpsies. It was only once she had become sick that Katherine realized that her husband had essentially being abusing their oldest daughter, not that he had ever laid a hand on her, this kind of abuse was far more insidious, purely emotional but in the end the effects were the same.

She is now drunk, naked, crying, exposed and he has failed her, failed her mother, failed to protect her from Caleb, the man actually had the gall to claim he was a good father. Because all good fathers incite their daughters to drink themselves into a stupor.

He feels powerless to protect her from her father, he shouldn't have to protect her from her own father, but he does need to protect her and again like so many times before he has failed.

As he walks back to their bedroom he thinks of Ryan, somehow fixing Ryan's problems seems easier than fixing hers, Ryan is simpler, he was physically abused, for him it was simple, take him out of the situation, show him that somebody is willing to love him without condition and his wounds will heal, with Ryan they seem to be making some progress, he is slowly opening up, slowly letting them help him.

With her it is never that easy, she almost seems willing to subject herself to Caleb's tirades, not that that is really the problem, it is never that easy with emotional abusers; it is the much more subtle, vindictive behaviors that are never apparent until you look underneath the surface. Caleb has never approved of her and even if he did he would never tell her, she has given up so much for him and all he does is push harder, demand more.

He walks back into the bedroom and she is sitting in the exact same position her left her in, curled up on the chair in the corner of the room next to the open window tears running down her face, she is shivering, the night air is cool, she is still too woozy to stand so he carries her into the bathroom and sits her on the toilet while he runs her a bath.

He wonders why she is crying, she often cries when she gets like this, when Caleb pushes her too far, he wonders if it is simply the alcohol, the physical discomfort of vomiting or if she is lucid enough to realize that Caleb has done this to her yet again and she is seemingly powerless to stop it and that her husband has failed her.

He carefully places her into the bathtub and washes her down, washes the vomit out of her hair, she looks so fragile and broken, somehow smaller than usual, he doesn't try to wipe away her tears, he knows she won't stop crying, can't stop crying until she is ready to more often than not she will cry herself to sleep.

He lifts her out of the tub and back to bed, he doesn't bother with fresh sheets, or dressing her, he lifts a blanket over them as she buries head into his chest occasionally sobbing.

He wishes that she would open up to Ryan a little more, he thinks that somehow maybe Ryan can help her more than he can, Ryan can understand what she is going through in ways he never will, Ryan has been there and he has gotten out, for Ryan and Kirsten the mechanism is different but the damage is the same.

She finally stops sobbing and her breathing becomes deep and regular, she is asleep now and he closes his eyes suddenly understanding why he took Ryan in, he took him in because he could save him and he can't save her, Kirsten, his own wife, and she says Ryan has a hero complex.


End file.
